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Why Men Don't Like to Talk about Feelings

Posted by kikat on 10:04 PM
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Why Men Don't Like to Talk about Feelings

It probably isn't a big shock to say that Men and Women are different in their relationships. These differences are glaringly obvious when it comes to their differences in how they talk about their feelings. Some differences are purely biological and there is no debate such as the fact that the Corpus Callosum (the part of the brain that connects the two brain hemispheres) is larger in women than men and because of this, women process thinking and feeling simultaneously.

This makes sense when it comes to caring for a child who is crying and needs for an adult not to ignore their feelings. It is just has important for men to have a smaller Corpus Callosum which enables them to separate feelings from thinking. This enables men to respond fairly well in a crisis when feelings would interfere with the ability to stay cool under pressure.

While this is often helpful information for my clients I have found the need to often give Women an example to illustrate this point in modern day terms.Let's imagine that I am in a group full of men and women, and I pick out a gentleman named Steve. I say to Steve, "I want to illustrate something to your wife so if you will indulge me with a little experiment, I'll give you $1000 to slip into this tiny little Speedo bathing suit. In the next room there are 20 women whom I want you to dance around and make a fool of yourself in this little bathing suit." Now, once I show Steve the $1,000 I really don't think I'll have much trouble getting him to agree. He may even demand more money, but the odds are that I can probably offer him enough money to entice him into becoming a dancing machine.

Steve, like most men, doesn't take himself too seriously when it comes to his body because men, in general, are very comfortable with their bodies.Now, let's imagine I turned to Susan (Steve's wife) and said to her, "Susan, here is a string bikini. I will give you $1000 if you will go next door, put this on and dance around in front of a room full of men." Susan, like most every woman, would refuse. I could offer $2000, and she would still reply, "Not a chance!"The odds are no matter how much money I offer, Susan will probably never take me up on my dare.

The reason she will not do so is that women, in general, are "BODY MODEST." Women are very modest about their appearance, how they present themselves, and it would mortify most women to have to present themselves in such a way.In the same sort of context, men are "FEELINGS MODEST". For a man to share how he feels, what is going on inside of him, is just as awkward for him as it would be for Susan in the above example to parade around in front of a group of people in a bikini.

Now, this doesn't mean that men shouldn't be encouraged to share their feelings or to open up and get in touch with the vulnerable side of themselves that is rarely accessed,it just means that it does not come as naturally. If a woman presses a man to share feelings, it is important that she realize that what she is comfortable with and what is familiar to her is very awkward and disjointed for a man.

I fully believe that a man needs to share and understand his feelings, but if he clams up and doesn't know how to describe them, the most important thing for a woman to do is not to punish him. It is going to take time for him to trust you to be so vulnerable. If you shame him, he will rarely take a chance and try it again.

Copyright © 2006 Bob Grant, All Rights Reserved
The Relationship Doctor

Bob Grant, "The Relationship Doctor" is the author of the best-selling book, "The Woman Men Adore...and Never Want to Leave." His coaching firm has been helping women achieve the relationship of their dreams throughout the United States and World.

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